Thursday, November 1, 2012

Denial AINT just a River in Egypt

So, it's worse than I thought. Like TWENTY pounds, worse than I thought.  Here's the thing, if you look at your scale  everyday and decide that you don't need to step on it, even though you KNOW your jeans no longer're in major denial.  When you have done absolutely nothing but sit on your tail for 2 months straight while eating only foods that can delivered to you and expect to be able to just jump into a workout regimin that has been dubbed "the toughest workout ever on DVD" KNOW you're in denial.  So there I was anxiously opening my freshly delivered, life changing box of DVD's and of course expecting a magical wind to envelop me and instantly make me a fitness machine.  Hell, I even went home EARLY from Halloween festivities so that I could prepare for the start of a fresh new month,  a healthy new life and a body that would make Olvia Wilde cry. Ummmm. yeah. about that....that happens to not be how it works.  This is in fact how it works:  1) wake up early 2)scratch that, hit snooze button. 3) wake up slightly earlier than normal 4) GET PUMPED (lies, ALL lies) 5) start the work out 6) promptly realize that I can't even drag myself through the fitness test portion.  Thats right, after wheezing my way through three minutes of WARM UP, quickly was slapped into back into reality and out of that magical place known as "Denial".

Here's the good news.  I STARTED. I skipped one day of holding onto my comfortable college student habits(I have only been a graduate for a solid 7 years now) and got my plumped up frumpy butt out of bed longer 15 minutes before I was supposed to arrive at work and I did SOMETHING.  So even though I know this thing is going to take me on a frustrating, self loathing, doubtful, and dark path...I know that it will lead me over that hill to the strong and healthy body I have always wanted.  In the bubble gum words of Miley Cyrus (before she decided to go all "slutty punk" on us) "aint about how I get there, aint about what's waiting on the other's the climb" And yes I just quoted Miley Cyrus so get over it. I write this because I know that I'm not the only person with these hopes.  Knowing that someone could be reading this makes want to keep moving forward (no not in the Barack Obama way) and be a better person. DAY ONE. In the books. STAY TUNED!!!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

I call it..."My Campaign Baby"

How is it that in 1.5 months I have put on more weight than an expectant mother?  Ok, well that might be pushing it, but seriously that's what it feels like.  As this year's election cycle draws to a stressfull close, I am drawing nearer to drawsting clothes I call this condition my "Campaign Baby" .  Between the office snacks  and the terrible hours melting into even worse eating schedules, it feels like I'm eating for two.  You would think that in between getting yelled at and well...getting yelled at some more I could take 10 minutes and at least stretch. As it turns out the only stretching I am capable of is my hand stretching toword that cheeseball jar. ( side note: I had no idea the amount of office competitions that could be had with the oh-so-wonderful cheeseballs)
     Luckily for me I have LOADS of time to paruse the internet while I'm making hundreds of what I refer to as "Good American" calls, and happened to come across ads for a tremendesously, ridiculousy, insurmountable workout program.  After looking at it for approximately 2.5 minutes I decided that not only was I going purchase this, but along with the retail therapy would come the amazing sense of commitment and bad ass awesomenessthat that would automatically happen with the incredible boldness it takes to even buy the program.  Instead I got a rush of fear, premature failure, and well...sheer terror. 
    In 2-5 business days I will be the oh-so-proud owner of this miracle working delux set of DVD's. As of this moment I am envisioning ripped abs and me floating down the catwalk in my new designer wardrobe...occasionally stopping to show off my beautifully toned biceps and impress the  onlookers with my amazing one-armed pushup.  Will I last a day? a week? or finish it with AMAZING results? Here's to the start of a new success story....